The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference
between lightning and a lightning bug.
- Mark Twain
Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are
putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.
- Mark Twain
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
- Emo Phillips
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
- Hunter S. Thompson
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
- Jennifer Unlimited
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally
they are the same people.
- Gilbert Chesterton
Only presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we".
- Mark Twain
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W.
Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
- Bill Hirst, found on from The Witty, The Thought
Provoking and The Humorous Quotes site.)
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
- Mark Twain
Hey, the way I figure it is this: if the kids are still alive by the time
my husband comes home, I've done my job.
- Roseanne Arnold
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one,
you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.
- Homer Simpson
There are terrible temptations which it requires strength and courage to yield to.
- Oscar Wilde
Anyone who can only think of only one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.
- Mark Twain
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
- Will Rogers
The Raven
There once was a girl named Lenore
And a bird and a bust and a door
And a guy with depression
And a whole lot of questions
And the bird always says "Nevermore."
A malicious program has attempted to shut down Windows. As a precaution, Windows was shut down.
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Fark Quotes
Heamer: 2007-11-09
No matter how down I feel about myself, no matter how many triple-gainers I do while somersaulting headfirst down the staircase of failure, no matter how much I feel like just tying a belt around my neck and swinging from an exposed beam like an autumnal leaf in a crisp November breeze, I can always take solace in the fact that my life doesn't suck as much as submitter's.
Thank you, Fark, for letting me toe the edge, look down, and pull myself back, all the while thinking, "You know, it could be worse."
TommyymmoT on dealing with deep ear itch: 2007-11-29
Just listen to Brittany's latest album.
Your fingers will go so far into your ears, that the tips wiil touch.
Yesdog; Best Marriage Counselor Eva:
Ok. So last week SO accidentally hit another car in a parking lot. Scratched paint on other car. Was responsible and left a note with name and number. Owner of other car getting estimate, will get back to us. Now, this is probably going to cost us several hundred dollars. I think SO should be sorry on some level due to the cost to us. I know it was an accident. But still, we don't have tons of money and this will put us back a little. Am I an insane person for wanting him to feel somewhat sorry about it?
A:
You should hang on to your resentment for like 30 years and let go of your anger in small absurd bursts which your SO won't be able to reasonably associate with the attributing offense.
